Exceptional Love

Here's another commentary for all you film buffs out there, though I'm hoping you don't find this one completely ridiculous, as the topic at hand is not the pithy life and love in Revolutionary Road, but the fluffy life and love of He's Just Not That Into You, which although it also explores the struggle of marriage, does it in a much more light-hearted manner, focusing primarily on the ubiquitous twenty-something (or even thirty-something) struggle--finding someone to love. Or just someone who will call after a date. But both movies, I think, are equally realistic, and equally examine truths about life, which is why I've chosen to talk about a movie that might seem "silly" here (plus, I love it, ok?).

He's Just Not That Into You structures its plot by following what I figure to be eight "love" stories (perhaps better termed "relationship" stories) between nine main characters. If that seems a little unlikely, note that one of said main characters, Conor, is involved in three of those eight stories. Each of these stories portrays people trying to follow "relationship rules" that we've all heard of--"don't call him, wait for him to call you," "if he hasn't married you after x amount of time, he never will (but will eventually marry someone younger/hotter)," and even, "don't talk to hot women other than your wife."

Some of these "rules" seem obvious, some seem ridiculous, and some of them may even seem wise. But the point is, we all follow (at least some of) them. Everyone adheres to rules that are imposed by society ("don't ask a girl out for Friday night at 3pm Friday afternoon"), your particular subset of society ("don't date--court"), or simply, yourself ("don't date a guy with small hands"--my personal rule). We may pick and choose which of these rules to follow, but we all know what they are, and hope they will help us on our path to finding "the one".

Although all the characters in the film are following and influenced by "the rules", the character of Alex (interestingly played by Justin Long, who gets to be a tough, asshole kind of character instead of his usual endearing wimp) is the one who perpetuates them, spells them out for the viewer. He meets the movie's primary heroine, Gigi (played by adorable Ginnifer Goodwin), a week after her first date with Conor. Still not hearing from Conor a week later, Gigi has decided to "casually" bump into him at a restaurant he mentioned that he frequents. He's a no-show, and when she embarrassingly spills the story to Alex, he gives her the first rule--"If a guy is acting like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit." Seems like good advice to me, and it did to Gigi too--so she begins calling Alex anytime she's with a new guy, and he continues to add to the rules. The rules are very important to Alex, and even when Gigi tells him some story of a friend of a friend of a friend for whom things worked differently, Alex is quick to point out what it is--an exception. Gigi shares with her friends, "We have got to stop listening to all these stories because...we're not the exception, we're the rule."

Of course, in typical rom-com fashion, Gigi falls for Alex and is convinced he feels the same way because of "the signs." When she makes her feelings known, he rejects her, reminding her of the rules--she shouldn't assume anything. "If a guy wants to make it happen, he will make it happen."

Don't worry, as you probably guessed, Gigi and Alex get together in the end when he realizes how much he misses her and shows up at her apartment. Although this may seem like just a typical chick flick plot line, the message is a good one, because, as Alex says to Gigi mid-kiss--"You are my exception." And I think that's the truth. Not just for them, not just for the couples in the movie (some of whom end up single, by the way), but for all of us. We can follow the rules all we want, but our real love stories--the real loves of our lives--will be the exceptions. Everything you think you want or think you should do in a relationship won't matter when it actually comes along.

So, to all you singles out there, planning on spending (another) Valentine's Day alone, don't worry if you break a few rules, and remember that your exception is out there somewhere. And don't forget to break the biggest Valentine rule of all (the importance of being with someone), and love the one you're with--YOU.